So, Tom Cruise has a new official website.

Just for the record, and to satisfy the ‘criticism/review’ defence, let me say this: it’s shit.

I mean, really bad. Just a bunch of photos and an over-long video and rambling biography bad. Designed by a student for drug money bad.

Seriously, Tom, if you’re going to have a badass countdown thing then what’s on the other end better be really fucking good – not just the world’s most narcissistic Moonfruit site.

However Cruise does deserve kudos for one brave move. Look at these terms and conditions of use…

C. Prohibited Activity

The following is a partial list of the kind of activity that is illegal or prohibited on the Website and through your use of the Services. We reserve the right to investigate and take appropriate legal action against anyone who, in our sole discretion, violates this provision, including without limitation, removing the offending communications from the Website and reporting you to law enforcement authorities. Prohibited activity includes, but is not limited to activity that, in our sole discretion:

…is patently offensive and promotes racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual…

harasses or advocates harassment of another person…

is false or misleading…

involves the transmission of “junk mail,” “chain letters,” or unsolicited mass mailing…

Constitutes, furthers or promotes any criminal or tortious activity…

involves commercial activities and/or sales without our prior written consent such as contests, sweepstakes, barter, advertising, or pyramid schemes…

uses any information obtained from the Services or the Website in order to harass, abuse, or harm another person…

Wow – no harassment, unsolicited mail, bigotry and hatred, pyramid schemes or other kinds of harm allowed on the site? Is it me or did Tom Cruise just ban the Scientologists?

Now if only he’d go to Tottenham Court Road and up-end all those ’stress test’ tables.

…

Important legal disclaimer: The Scientologists are a notoriously litigious bunch so I think it’s important that I point out that in the above post I was just kidding. Describing Scientology in the title as a religion was just a joke. It is of course a lunatic cult, created by a science fiction author with the specific aim of fleecing gullible people out of their money. Ok, lawyers? Sheesh.