To soften the blow of The West Wing being axed, my friend Savannah lent me her series six box-set. As chance would have it, I was watching episode twelve - immediately post Bartlett’s State of the Union - when Pond called to remind me that the actual thing was happening live and direct on News 24. Screw Sheen, man, this is the real deal.
Yeah.
Right.
Bush’s handlers need to call Toby Zeigler.
Where Bartlett’s speech - and indeed the theme of the entire episode - was about setting the agenda, big ideas, moving forward; Bush’s was one long excuse. Why we must fight on. Why we must continue to spread freedom. Why we must support Our Troops. Why this loony’s not for turning.
I’m too tired and too annoyed to say much more, not least because Pond and I spent the whole speech bitching about it on MSN Messenger, not unlike Beavis and Butthead. Some highlights to give you an idea of the level of discourse we’re talking about - and to save me having to form actual sentences...
paul says:
I hope Cheney dies
pond says:
i’d like to see a turst attack right about now
...
‘pond says:
why do they keep standing up? are they morons?
paul says:
they are terrified that the camera will catch them not standing up when Pres talks about fighting evil
paul says:
if you stay sitting the turrsts have won
paul says:
irakkies there
paul says:
listening’
...
‘pond says:
fucking hell
pond says:
this is such bland garbage
paul says:
they should whoop. and have those foam hands.
pond says:
they should be covered in petrol and set alight is what they should be.
paul says:
whoooof.
whoop!
...
‘paul says:
a dog has crept in’
...
‘pond says:
wink
paul says:
tell me he didn’t wink at the family of a dead soldier?
pond says:
he did.
pond says:
he winked
paul says:
I missed that. that’s AMAZING. he should run over, high five the dad and goose the daughter’
...
pond says:
that was an ovation for like, ten words.
paul says:
stirring, freedom-loving words
pond says:
sacrifice, terror, freedom, democracy, evil, good, hope, America, peace.
up!’
...
‘pond says:
i like those guys in the front. they get up for no one. front right.. who are they?
paul says:
yes! he’s doing wiretaps
paul says:
I knew he would
paul says:
they are disabled
paul says:
they have no legs
pond says:
so?’
...
‘paul says:
he is smirking about allowing the FBI and CIA to bug American citizens without a warrant.
paul says:
having tried to justify it in the state of the union
pond says:
i don’t see what your problem is. are you a terrorist?
paul says:
yes
pond says:
ah
paul says:
and the moment I touch down in America I’m phoning 1-800-AL-QAEDA’
...
‘paul says:
the sitting people are the supreme court judges’
...
‘pond says:
i can take no more of this. i’m going to bed.
paul says:
I don’t blame you.
pond says:
thanks.
paul says:
I applaud you
paul says:
whoop
pond says:
up!’
...
Suck on that, Sky News.