…I could die.

I want nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep ’til Monday. But, no, Clare has insisted I blog the events of today. And so I shall, in the style of those weekend diaries we were forced to write in primary school…

On Wednesday, Clare and I went to Farringdon to meet our friends Emma and Rob and the rest of the people at Snowbooks.*

We had lunch in a lovely gastro-pub place on Pentonville Road. It was really, really great, except they gave me a veggie burger rather than a proper one. I didn’t realise until halfway through eating and then was too polite to say anything. Rob asked a question about why, in ‘The Minority Report’, the little prediction balls produced by the machine attached to the precogs are made of wood. I didn’t have an answer. Then Emma said she was thinking about opening a chain of brothels under the Snowbooks brand. I think she was joking, but it’s a very great idea.

After lunch, we went back to their office and Emma and Rob showed us their cool intranet which makes every piece of technology we have in our office look like a pile of old shit. Ah well.

After we left Snowbooks, we went to a pub in Smithfields for a ‘Humour Evening’ organised by our friends Pan Macmillan.

They wanted us to meet the important people from Virgin and HMV and WHSmiths so that they would like us and buy lots of our books. We took our friend Holy Moly! with us and we all told lots of jokes. We told the man from Virgin that we would replace all of the rules in Holy Moly!’s book with the word ‘Virgin’ over and over again if he promised to buy a million copies. The man from Virgin agreed. I think he was joking, but it’s a very great idea.

We had special beermats** printed with Holy Moly! rules on them and funny pictures from the book. Everyone liked them, including Holy Moly! who had also brought tshirts and badges. If you have free beermats and tshirts and badges everyone wants to be your friend.

When we left, Holy Moly! was eating a piece of quiche, even though his book says that men should never be seen eating…

a) Quiche

b) Hawaiian pizza

c) Korma

I think Holy Moly! is a hypocrite but he is still our friend.

After the Humour Evening had finished, Clare and I went to another pub for last orders. We put some of our Holy Moly! beermats on the table. Suddenly the barman came over and picked up our little pile of beermats, which he didn’t realise had rude things written on them, and began putting them on the other tables in the pub. Clare and I watched as tourists looked at them and laughed. I hope the barman doesn’t get in trouble.

Then Clare went home and I had dinner and went to bed.

…

* Technically we were re-meeting Emma and Rob and meeting the rest. But the point is the same.

** If you’d like a free limited edition Holy Moly! beermat, send a stamped, addressed envelope to Holy Moly! Beermat, The Friday Project, 83 Victoria Street, London, SW1H 0HW