Over to James Lark for the very final word on Our Work Here is Pun...
‘So...there was this tiny community which split pretty much equally into a third Catholic, a third Anglican, and a third Right Wing Global Elitist Christ Spirit Orb Lovers. But because it was only a small place, they only had one church, and being peaceful and in favour of ecumenicalism, they managed to share the building by having their services at different times.
It became quite apparent one year that the seating in the church was, through regular use, wearing out; great holes were appearing in the stools that were supplied for people to sit on, and something needed to be done about it. But on this issue the different denominations suddenly began to bicker, each of them claiming that only they had true revelation when it came to the mending of stools. Finally, it was decided to invite each of their most important leaders to come and debate the issue, so that the villagers would ultimately be given three choices, “Blind Date” style, on which they could then make a decision.

The great day came, and Cilla Black proudly presented to the crowds the three leaders: The Pope, The Archbishop of Canterbury, and David Icke.

First of all the Pope stepped up. “I suggest a year of prayer and fasting for the stools,” he said, “after which God will have mended all of the holes”.

Next up was the Archbishop of Canterbury. “It’s obvious we need to hold a synod,” he said, “after which a subcommittee would draw up a series of proposals for possible courses of action, which would then be debated by the synod and finally rejected and we would all agree to differ.”

Finally, David Icke got up. “Look,” he said, “don’t be ridiculous. It’s a simple problem, and it needn’t take years of fasting or synods. The stools have holes in so they need darning, right? If we have a special night where every villager takes a stool and darns it, they’ll all be good as new in the morning.”

Icke sat down, and Cilla asked the deep-voiced ITV man to recap the different options. “There’s option one,” he began, “the Pope, who’d have a year of fasting! Or option two - the Archbishop of Canterbury, who’d have a synod and a subcommittee! And then...” The deep-voiced man paused dramatically, and the villagers cried out in excitement, “what about option three?!!”

Then the answer came. “Option three,” began the deep voiced man...’

The End.