When we last spoke, it was Saturday night and I was about to head to dinner with Eris, my state-appointed tour guide for San Francisco.

What I didn’t know was that she had decided on a table at the city’s only Irish-themed oyster restaurant and piano bar. Had I known, I would have wondered aloud at what fucked up meeting lead to a group of business people sitting round a table trying to decide between opening an oyster restaurant, an Irish pub and a piano bar and settling on all three. Still, I have to say, the faux-Irish sure prepare a mean Oyster.

The most striking thing about the restaurant though, was not the culinary confusion, but rather the decor. At a distance, there appeared to be lifesized painings of Saints adorning the walls, reverently lit and mimicking the style of stained glass windows of old. And yet a closer look revealed the brilliant truth. Go on, click through – I’ll wait…

…from right to left then, that’s Saints McGowan, Stockton Thompson, Cobain, Pryor, Joplin and Bukowski. Brilliant.

After dinner, it was off to a birthday party at a Joe DiMaggio-themed bar down the street. The birthday girl had hired the Marilyn booth, which was a special kind of themed awesome. We ended the night – about five or us in all – writing the opening scene of our soon to debut musical: “Drunk!”. It’s going to be a hit.

Yesterday was another day of extreme sightseeing. The day started – as all good days do – with Earl Grey tea and cucumber sandwiches (I know) at the Leland Tea Company. They blend the teas on site and it was easily the best cup of Earl Grey I’ve had in my life – in any city. The scones were rather good too.

Then, from one extreme to the other, we headed to the Apple Store to hang out with the Counting Crows and the billion or so fans that had assembled to greet them. I felt bad for the people who had brought folding beds and slept outside all night when we realised how easy it was to sneak past the queue.

More exciting than the idea of meeting Adam Duritz, though (I had a dumb plan to get him to record a video message for someone. Long story), was meeting Frank Chu who I now know to be a true San Francisco celebrity. Frankly, he knocks the Sinners and Winners guy into a cocked hat. I urge you to check his Wikipedia page.

Post-Apple, it was off to ‘The Mission’ for an afternoon of exploring. The Mission is – I was reliably informed – where the hipsters go (and are). And sure enough, cool bars, second-hand bookshops and organic cafes abounded. The absolute highlight, though, is the view from the top of Dolores Park – a view that shows just how beautiful San Francisco is. It really is breathtaking – it’s no wonder that people fall in love with this place and end up staying forever. You know the Flickr drill.

After that we spent the rest of the day getting our fill of views, books and delicious crepes (during which meal we spent the entire time eavesdropping on a brilliant first date between an aging local guy and a much younger French woman who is clearly taking the Match.com approach to getting une carte verte.)

“I’m really not being politically correct – I think women are often lesbians by default. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”

The question, after all that relaxing and wandering and hipstering, is what to do next? And of course there’s only one answer… go to a fuck-off massive multiplex cinema – buy popcorn and coke, and watch some truly dumb shit. Superhero Movie. Short, sweet and the perfect end to the weekend. Well, that and the hotel bar mojitos afterwards.

…

Today and for the rest of the week, it’s time to get some work done. Lots happening – including a possible new and very exciting project, more on that if I decide to try to make it happen. I’ve got a whole load of meetings planned too, so who knows what they will bring?

Also, the Olympic torch is in town tomorrow. My heart swelled with pride when I saw the coverage of the protests back home. A fire extinguisher! Inspired! I’m so proud of you, London.

I sent an email to the Chinese Olympic organisers with my humble suggestion for ensuring the flame’s safe passage. Simply set fire to a rolled up Chinese flag and carry that instead. Problem solved.

Unfortunately, the email bounced.

I think maybe they have some kind of firewall.