Tonight is my last night in London before I leave for the mountains of Spain and six weeks of work, rest, work, play and work.

But before I go, and as I sit in this ridiculously huge three-room upgrade suite in Bloomsbury (£70 a night, for cash and winning charm), digesting the last of my Deliverance dinner (fish cakes, hand cut chips and butterfly prawns - not in that order), there’s just time for the second installment of everyone’s favourite regular feature: Brilliant Ideas For Other People.

This week - James Bond.

This afternoon, for the second time in as many days, I found myself telling someone how the only thing I’d like more than to meet a spy would be to be a spy. On this occasion, I was talking to Scott Rutherford over Sunday lunch, washed down with some excellent Belgian beer, by the canal down Bethnal Green way.

“The problem is,” I continued, “I’d be shit at it. I’d want to tell everyone I was a spy. Fuck, I’d want to Twitter it”

“That would be a problem,” agreed Scott.

“Quite,” I agreed. “A gentleman never Twitters. Although I’d love to read James Bond’s Twitter stream.” I really would.

Scott looked thoughtful. “Someone should write that.”

Dammit he was right! Someone should! It would be brilliant. Immediately we set about setting up a new Twitter account.

Jamesbond? Taken.

007? Gone.

Bondjamesbond? Available!

Thank God - our next choice was going to be James Acton Bond.

“Now pay attention, 007, this is something I’m very proud of. I call it the Twitter. To the casual observer, it looks like a simple mobile web app… but when you enter 140 characters and click this button, it turns in to a sophisticated but irritatingly unreliable way to arrange brunch in any city on earth.”

“I think I get the… message… Q”

“Oh, do try to take microblogging seriously, 007. At least try not to crash it… Oh, and, 007… whatever you do, don’t follow Robert Scoble.”

Just imagine it - every few hours, another Twitter update, straight from James Bond’s acid-spitting, chainsaw-concealing, Union Jack-bearing, product-placing mobile. All of them pegged to an actual event either from one of Ian Fleming’s books (but not the Sebastian Faulks one - fuck that) or from one of the films.


The possibilities are endless.

“Great news! I’m getting married. My womanising days are behind me. LOL!”

And then the next day…

“Balls :-(”

And then there are the supporting characters. @goldfinger, @pussygalore, @scaramanga, @oddjob - the fact that most of these usernames have already gone shouldn’t stop you @replying to them as 007. It serves them right for passing off.

But of course, Scott has Recommendbox to focus on, and I suddenly have a lot on my plate too - so we won’t have time to do anything with the idea ourselves. Which of course makes it the perfect BIFOP.

So, who wants it? If you promise to do at least one update a day - and your brain can muster at least a dozen decent Bond references - then the bondjamesbond account password is yours for the asking. Email me at the usual address.

Ok - that’s me from London. Next up, a 4am wakeup call, a 5:15am rendezvous and then it’s LGW -> AGP -> car hire pickup in time for lunch in the mountains.

Hasta luego!



Related Reading

  • B.I.F.O.P. Redux: here’s one I made later
    "After posting the first installment of Brilliant Ideas For Other People this morning, it suddenly occurred to me that there might be some cynics out there who would doubt me. Cynics who would think that I wasn't giving away these...\\
  • "The name’s Bond…"
    "No time for a proper post - need to head down to the Mandalay to stop Michael losing everything at the poker tables. So - bullet points, then...Last night was a blast - Michael arrived in town and we headed...\\
  • Boys are back in town
    "Just when my liver's back in some kind of shape, I wander into the lobby of my hotel in Nob Hill (really) yesterday and who do I see?Only Robert Loch and Scott Rutherford.Only staying in my hotel.Next thing I know,...\\